Arguing styles
We all argue differently, some of us walk away and others push for the issue to be resolved. Have a look at these three styles and see which one fits you best and how this may impact on your partner. For example, a pusher style finds a walker infuriating as they see the walking away as solving nothing and often a pusher will follow, which is not helpful. Understanding each other's style can help you to communicate in a more constructive way.
Sulker
This is a person who uses silence and withdrawal to get what they want. They often feel resentful and are trying to gain sympathy from others to get a certain outcome that suits them. Some people are capable of long periods of sulking. Often the partner of a sulker can’t stand the atmosphere so will give in to the demands being made, in order to restore peace.
Walker
Walking away from conflict is a self-preservation strategy a lot of the time. You feel overwhelmed by the conflict and are struggling to find a resolution, walking away provides the opportunity to process what is happening and hope that things calm down so a more productive conversation might follow later on.
Pusher
Pushing for discussion, for the other person to engage and ‘get things sorted out’ in the moment is a common arguing style. This behaviour is often what causes the other person to walk away. The need for discussion to be immediate, to see things through at the time that they happen feels important, but that feeling may not be shared.
Thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
This is the cycle that of ‘you do this…so I do that’, and it can often result in a couple expecting the worst of each other. If we think that we can’t rely on our partner for support, we may push them away and then feel unsupported. By changing what we think, we can alter our behaviours and feel better. Watch the YouTube clip below for more details.