Relationships and children
Here you'll find some practical tools that can help you think about your relationships with your partner or parent of your child.
The Stages of a Relationship
- The start of the story can be the addictive part, excited by newness and what may lie ahead. You show your best bits and keep the rest hidden
- Reality - this is when we start to see and show our imperfections. We either accept that we can put up with them or leave. This is often the stage in which relationships end.
- Power struggle - this is when we start to think about compromising to find a middle ground, cats or dogs, pizza, or curry. It is a negotiation to learn to give and take and is this even?
- Finding yourself - once you have a solid base as a couple, you are able to start to thrive as an individual with your own hobbies and interests.
- Acceptance - this is when we become accepting of the other person for their good and bad parts and compromising together for a happy relationship with joint interests as well as our own friends and interests.
- Mutual love and understanding - it is important to know that all relationships move through these stages at various times and strength and resilience will help you move up and down the stages.
Ask yourselves the following questions….
- Which stage do you see your relationship in and why?
- Where would your partner see themselves and why?
- Are you both at the same stage?
- Are you happy with where you are?
- What could you do to help you to get to the next stage?
- How will you know that you have reached this?
- Do you need help to achieve this?
What do we argue about?
- Miscommunication
- Money
- Misunderstanding
- Different views or perspectives
- Destructive thought patterns
- Difficulty in regulating emotions
- Children and matters relating to them
- Parental relationships
- Parental response to conflict situation
- Addictions
- Situations outside the parents control (e.g. housing)
Have a think about the things that you argue about regularly. Can you talk about this and work out a way to approach these “triggers” in a more positive way?
How does arguing make you and your child feel?
Think about how this makes you and your child feel? You could jot down a few words or draw a picture that shows how you feel when you and your partner/ex-partner argue. Then draw another one or jot down a few words about how this might make your child feel.